Just do it

    Even though Nike adopted the slogan, "just do it," this post is not meant to promote a pair of shoes.  Instead I am reflecting on the slow changes that have taken place in my thinking in the last few months.  When I first arrived here, the shocking news of my dad's cancer, was like a heavy boulder that nearly stopped me in my tracks.  I went through each day and did what I had to do but my heart was not in it.  My heart was with my dad and my family.  I would put things off and feel just burdened with the uncertainty of everything.  It seemed that everything was extra hard.  I came to dread things like just doing chores around my apartment.  I just could not seem to find the joy in life that I once had. 
    Seeing my dad and mom's courage as they face the uncertainties with quiet trust and take a step at a time is inspiring.  Yet, that was not enough to bring change in my heart.  God had some work to do.  I had to consciously make the choice to trust Him and not my feelings.  I felt burdened, anxious, uncertain, discouraged, and even angry at times.  I did not like what God had allowed to happen.  (I still do not "like" it).  Yet God has given his grace and strength to take small steps of trust in Him.  I have found that when I had a choice to do what I felt like doing (just focus on myself and do whatever I felt like) or to do what I knew was right -- when I did what was right, things started slowly changing in me.
    One change came in my focus.  I needed to fill my mind with things that were true, instead of dwelling on uncertainties.  I began to listen to a sermon series on Romans that a friend recommended.  I began reading an encouraging book that another friend recommended.  When I did not feel like it, but "just did it" anyway, I began to reap the rewards.  It did not happen immediately.  Over time it brought encouragement, hope, and peace.  My thoughts began to rest on truth instead of uncertainty.
    Also, I needed to stay connected with people here, go on visits, keep building relationships with teammates, and be open and honest with a few friends.  When I decided to "just do it," it took some time, but eventually my feelings began to change.  Let me say it again, it took time.  It also took some pretty brutal honesty about the selfish attitudes that my heart had adopted.   I had to face myself and confess my wrong attitudes to God.  Yet when I took a baby steps of faith to "just do it."  Doing the right things became easier and joy began to return. 
    So, I guess I share this as an encouragement to anyone who is facing something that feels impossible and you feel like you cannot move forward in the right direction.  In the process of praying, seeking truth, talking to your friends, eventually you will be faced with a choice. You will have to decide either to follow your feelings or to do what is right.  I pray God will give you the strength to take a small step to trust Him and do right -- to "just do it."
   As all those decisions of "just doing it" start adding up, then you will start to reap the blessings of walking in the right path (see Ps 1).  I would also like to end this post by thanking those who have been "holding the ropes for me" and prayed for me through this difficult season.  Thank you so much for bringing me before our gentle, gracious Father!  He truly is a good Father and Shepherd who will walk this trail with us, if we are willing to walk it with Him.