Waiting

    This past week, we got back down from camp on Saturday.  Sunday was full of activity as we travelled to and from Albanian and then had our evening fellowship gathering at our center.  Monday was a little less busy.  Tuesday and Wednesday we spent up at camp.  We did a fun hike with our short-termers and spend a day working on forms.  Next week we hope to pour cement for the well house roof.  Keith hopes that the cement roof will eventually be turned into a floor for a cabin. 
    Thursday was the last day for two of our short-termers who spent about 6 weeks with us.  We ate out with them and spent some time together before they got ready to go.  I got a lot of "catch-up work" done on some emails, errands, and wood stacking.  Friday the wood stacking and splitting was finished with the help of Keith, Josh and some neighborhood children.  I have 4 square meters but I am planning to buy another 2 meters soon.  It gets pretty cold here in the winter and it is important to let it dry out before you start using it.
   Today (Saturday) I went to the market and bought blueberries and have been working on washing and freezing them for the winter.  During the winter here fresh fruits and vegetables are harder to come by.  After lunch I rode my bike into "Rrugova" it is the canyon that leads up towards camp.  It was good to try out my bike here.  (Keith helped me find a good used bike here a few weeks ago).  Although it is mainly to use around town, it passed the "mountain road test" today!
    Tomorrow I plan to attend the morning fellowship and then lead music during our evening fellowship.  A sweet family from Albanian is coming to join us in the evening and then heading up to camp.  They will be up at camp for their annual fellowship retreat.  During next week, we hope to pour cement for a roof, the Lord willing.
   In many ways, I feel like I am at a place in my life where God has asked me to watch and wait.  There are a lot of things in my life that are simply unanswered.  I do not know what the next few years will bring.  I hope for a lot of things but there are no guarantees.  So, it seems that God is asking me to simply wait and trust. 
    Trusting is hard because although God promises to work for good, He does not promise life will be easy.  In the lives of his people God sometimes allows some very painful things.  Joseph was sold into slavery.  Moses ran from Egypt and spent 40 years in the desert, probably asking a lot of questions.  Abraham waited on God's promise for a son and then God asked him to sacrifice him.  -- Yikes!  The Israelites wandered around the desert for 40 years because of their unbelief.  They came to a critical time in their lives where they could choose to trust God or not.  They decided not to trust God.  He allowed them to wander for 40 years.  I feel like I am in a critical time of life where I have been the given the decision: to trust or not.  God has not given me a lot of guarantees about what will happen in the future.  He just simply is asking me to trust him and walk through some difficult times.  I feel like I am walking along a very foggy mountain trail.  I cannot see more than a few feet ahead.  Sometimes I wonder if I am even on the right trail.  All I can do is keep putting one foot in front of another.  If I quit and move off the trail, it could be disastrous.  I have hiked in fog before.  Last year, we spent most of a day hiking in fog.  It is disconcerting, especially in the mountains when a wrong step could bring you into danger.  With a heart pounding and feelings of disequilibration all I could do is keep moving cautiously forward.  Eventually after many hours, we found our destination but it took courage, perseverance, collaboration, and facing possible failure.  Why did we keep going forward?  We wanted to get to the top.  We had a goal.  We did not know exactly how to get there in the fog but we knew we must keep moving up and keep going in the general direction. 
   In the same way, I feel like I am at that place.  I have had a lot of "goals" over the course of my life.  Some have come to pass.  Others still have yet to be.  Others have had to be re-evaluated.  I realize now that I need to make knowing God my ultimate goal.  He needs to be the direction that I aim for.  If I make anything else my focus, things can easily get off track.  When I try to veer off towards other things my life becomes chaotic, peace dissipates, and I am left wandering on my own rugged trail.  No wonder I have felt alone in those times.  I walk away from the only One who gives peace and strength for the journey.  Father forgive me for the many times I have wandered these last several weeks.  If God is the goal, then I can keep moving forward, even if I do not quite know where I am going or how I will get there. 
    Father help me keep you as my goal and destination.  If you are my goal, then I can walk through the rough waters and fires of this life.  If you are not, then no wonder I struggle and get burned at times.  Father be the center.  Please change me and give me the strength to walk on the right path and to keep you as my focus.  I have not done a good job of this.  I have faltered quite a bit.  Yet I ask you to help me.  Thank You for all that you will do.  I believe you are good, even if life really hurts sometimes.  You work for good and sometimes that involves pain.  You will do what is best and are not afraid of the pain.  You promise to be with us through it.  Be glorified in the tears and questions.  Be glorified and have your way.  You are constant, even when I am inconsistent.  Thank you for being a strong Rock in the midst of storms and trials.  You are my Daddy, my Provider, my Friend, my Savior, and my King.  Amen.