Encouragement

     Last week I felt some discouragement because of how long it takes to plant seeds here.  Many here have been waiting years (over a decade in some cases) for the truth to bear fruit in people's hearts.  I also felt discouraged because of the challenges of personally connecting with people here.  It takes a lot of courage to step across one's comfortable cultural lines and try to relate and connect with people who speak another language and do things differently.
   In this place, just simply greeting people bursts an American's personal 'bubble.'  When you greet a friend you shake hands and kiss the sides of each cheek.  (Eventually as time goes on you learn to appreciate this cultural difference and the closeness of friendships built.)  As I returned here, I feel like I'm trying to get used to this all over again.  I'm having to develop friendships differently than before.  We don't have a regular 'girl's group' that meets where I can have a natural time to connect with young ladies.  Instead I must take the first step and go out and visit girls.  For me, it is intimidating.  I've met several young ladies as I've tagged along on visits with Pam or Jenelle.  Now it's my turn to start going on visits.  To be honest I feel scared.  It's hard to know who to go to, if they want me to just 'drop by,' and if I'll be able to connect when I do.
    When moving out of my cultural 'comfort zone,' I experience the stress of adjusting in different degrees.  Some situations I've encountered here have been fairly easy and un-stressful.  At other times I feel a high amount of stress just trying to to do simple things -- like greet people or be a part of a social visit.  It varies according to the setting and circumstances and I don't always understand what causes the discomfort.  Part of it comes from not understanding the language.  I can say simply things like "Hello!  How are you? I'm fine." etc.  but then when people start asking more questions and saying things I don't understand, it's easy to feel uncomfortable or overwhelmed sometimes.  I observe people and try my best to read their actions and hear words that I might recognize.  It takes much effort.  (No wonder some days I come back home from being out and feel very tired).
    It can be hard to remember all the right words and cues and things to say and do.  Yet, at the same time I must say that the people here are very forgiving.  Many of the people I've met have been willing to help me learn the right words and are not easily offended when we make mistakes. 
    Anyway, that's just a bit of reflection on adjusting to a new culture.  Now, onto another things I wanted to write about. . .
    Last week I felt discouraged and wondered how I'd ever be able to connect here.  I felt so discouraged one day that I decided to 'give up' thinking that I could be here long-term.  I was intimidated, discouraged, and confused.  I felt like the cost was too much and that there was no promise of fruit.  It seems that when a person decides to min. here, there is a dying process.  All must be given up without any promise of 'success' or foreseeable 'results.'  If Gd calls a person, that is enough but I do not know that Gd has called me long-term.  Two years ago, I may have confused my strong desire to serve here with Gd's call.  I decided to pursue this and knew that it would be impossible unless Gd made it happen.  I pr/yed along the way that He would guide my steps.  It seems He's led me this far and could very well be steering me in another direction.  (A million questions of why, how, what, where, when could be inserted here. . .Yet, I have a feeling that it's one of those "lean not on your own understanding things" Pr/3:5-6).  I do not know what is ahead.  I want to serve Gd.  I want to honor Him wherever I am.  I've sensed the urgent need to reach those who've never heard, but, I dare not confuse it with Gd's call.  He may have placed this burden on my heart to use it for other purposes -- to direct my steps thus far (from AL to Africa, to GA, to camp min, to SE Europe, etc), to soften my heart to the lost, to give me compassion, to call me to pr/y, to show me more of Himself.  In fact He's done all those things through it.  So I can be thankful for these things and trust Him to work things out for His glory.  I think most of all He desires to show more of Himself in this process.  Gd is good.  He loves His children.  He loves me.  He's not out to try to make 'robots' who will accomplish His cosmic scheme.  He's a loving Father.  He cares about His children.  He most of all wants to show more of Himself to us.  If it means trials and struggles along the way, He's willing to go the distance with us.
    This is what I must keep in mind as I go through these months.  This is what I have learned of my Father through this.  He is good.  I'm not called to put anything -- any cause or work or purpose -- above Him.  I want Him above all.  If He is most glorified when I live in the present each day and trust Him for the uncertainty of tomorrow, then who am I to fight it and demand answers?
    Humans have an insatiable desire to know the future.  Yet many times the future is beyond our ability to comprehend.  We can't grasp it.  We cannot see the big picture.  It is impossible for us to fully know His future plans.  Gd has revealed what we need to know.  We need to know that He's got good plans (Jer/29:11).  We need to know that after we leave this earth we are going to be with Him forever (Jhn14:3).  We need to know that we don't have to worry about what's coming tomorrow (Matt/6:25-32).  We need to know that He is working all things out for the good of those who love Him and are called according to His purpose (Rom/8:28-29).  But we don't need to know what kind of job we will have next year.  We don't need to know where we will be living in five years.  We don't need to know what our circumstances will be in ten years.  That is a mystery.  We can make plans.  We are called to be wise in that.  But ultimately we must let Him hold the full weight of it and trust Him.
    In this post, I've been pretty honest about some feelings and it could be easy to assume that I've decided not to continue here after the summer.  However I haven't really reached a decision yet.  This simply shows some of the lessons I'm learning through this season as I consider the future.  In the end, today is all I've been given and I must learn to live each day for His honor and learn to trust Him for all my tomorrows.  He is worthy of that kind of trust.

PS -- I still have trouble uploading pictures.  So please check Facebook for recent pictures.  Thank you!